What was his name again...? Syphilis...?

Broke Back Reesa turned 30-something last week. I don't know how old she is because I'm a shitty friend. So I took her out to a club to celebrate. Wait... that's not how this went... (damned wine is messing up my story telling abilities...)

She did turn 30-something last week, but all this happened the weekend before at the Master Lesbian's birthday party. (I call her the Master Lesbian because she has mastered the art of turning straight girls gay...) Anywho, Reesa is dancing at the club and this smokin hot guy starts dancing with her.(You know, rubbing his junk against her butt like it's gonna rip through their pants and impregnate her before she can say "Oh hot brown boy don't stop!!" or something...)

I leave her to be agressively rubbed against and aquire a mini bottle of vodka from Master Lesbian's bad ass Russian Hotty girlfriend. After a quick trip to the little girls room to down my cocktail I convince Chula to come outside for a smoke with me. (Yes, I smoke. Yes, it's bad for me. No, I'm not planning on quitting, so leave me alone about it...) We're doing our own thing when a nice young African American man walks up and askes to bum a smoke. Sure, I say, no problem! This is when I realize Chula is very, very drunk.

Nice Man (with random foreign accent): Thank you.

Chula (with thick greek accent): OBAMA!

Nice Man:  Excuse me?

Chula: SOCIALIZE MY HEALTHCARE!!

Nice Man: Where are you from?

Chula: Greece... or Puerto Rico... I don't... OBAMA!!

Nice Man: Ah.. Greece..I've been to Turkey..

Chula: TURKEY?! I HATE TURKS! I NO VOTE FOR YOU AGAIN!!! (at this point she slips in to greek and I have no idea what she's saying)

I apologize to Nice Man and drag a screaming Chula in to the bar. I realize that I am also very drunk... (due, mainly, to the two screwdrivers I had at home and the long island ice tea I drank before Russian Hotty gave me the mini bottle..) too drunk... awe crap!! I run to the girls room and throw up. (I am well over 21 years old and had never thrown up from alcohol before so this was a big event for me...) I text Boy Wonder to tell him I'm officially an adult!

Reesa gets Pelvic Thrusting Boy's phone number and we all leave. Pelvic Thrusting Boy's name turns out to be Arash. He's Iranian and 10 years younger then Reesa. (Go Reesa!!) She's feeling awkward about the whole thing because she hasn't dated in 5 years. Whatever.

I ask her (drunkenly): So when are you gonna see Gonorrhea again?


Reesa: Wha..? Arash?


Me: *insert giggling* yeah Chlamydia...



Reesa: *giggling* you mean Rashy? Wednesday.



Me: *more giggles*


Chula: OBAMA!!!

By the way Herpes looks like a middle eastern version of this guy:

Go Reesa Go!!!