Family, Friends, and one Bitch I Can't Stand.

I thought I'd start this nonsense with a cast of characters so you people will know who the hell I'm talking about when I post.

Here it goes:

Tron (or Beckie): Me. I'm a doula, a SAHM (who occasionally decides to take on "real jobs"), a girlfriend, and a lover of wine and the random rum and coke. I'm also a voracious reader of books.

BoyWonder (or The Boy or Travis): The boyfriend of 4 years-ish. He is my better, saner half. He is also a geek and a jack of all trades. He can fix anything and is a better parent then I am 90% of the time, even though the kids aren't his. Oh, and he cooks. Really well. I burn toast.

Al (or The Big One): Kid #1 We're pretty sure he'll have a pregnant girlfriend by 18.

Cass (or The Little One): Kid #2 We're pretty sure he'll be coming out of the closet by 15.

Poo (or Matilda or Bad Dog): My pug/sheltie mutant dog. She hates me.

Broke Back Reesa: My best friend. She has the worst luck of anyone I've ever met. (Including me.) She has many pets and works at a shitty call center. She lives in butt fuck egypt so I don't see her often enough. She also loves wine and books.

Nana: My mother. A mild alcoholic who lives on the other side of the country from me. I love her dearly even when she makes really unbelievably stupid decisions.

Papa: My dad. He lives two blocks from me and I see him about four times a year. He's a computer dork and teller of fabulous stories. He rides a bullet bike because he thinks it makes him cool.

Cooly: My dads wife. I hate this woman. I don't speak to her anymore do to her awesome behavior in front of my children on Thanksgiving '09. It involved the words "fuck" "cunt" "bitch" and a couple flying beer cans. She is a psychotic drunk. Just because I've stopped talking to her doesn't mean she's stopped talking to me!

Mean Jean (or Seester): My sister. She lives in the same city as Nana. She has an awesome husband and an adorable son and a bun in the oven. She's my exact opposite but I love her anyway.

The Ex (or Chrisalis): My ex husband and the father of my two children. Love him loads, but he's a giant 12 year old. A 12 year old with a marijuana habit and D&D addiction.

Jesus and Mary: My ex's parents. They are divine. If I believed in God, I would assume He sent them to earth just to make my life easier.

Chula: My very greek friend who has amazingly funny stories about her mother and is sexually confused.

Mini Me: The platonic love of my life. I would be her if I were 7 years younger, a lesbian, and childless.

Paul: My coffee shop dad. Gives great advice and offers to kill people if they fuck with me.

My clients: The wonderful ladies that give me the privilage of supporting them through the childbearing year. I give such helpful advice as "NO FOOD IN THE HOO!" and "Rub your taint!".

 I think that covers all the main people in my life. Next up: Two births in less then 24 hours, a pant leg covered in amniotic fluid, and pink eye!